I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
