so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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