Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
