i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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