Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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