i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
