So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
