I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
