you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize