i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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