There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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