Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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