You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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