Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We have so much sex to catch up on
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
