We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
