is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Fuck appropriateness.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize