Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
