question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm at about main and main street
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
