when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
