I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
