just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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