The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
