i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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