actually, I'm a sock model
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just gargled with NyQuil
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