just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
