found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
