Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
