I accidentally burped into my bong.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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