dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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