This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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