1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if only i could text you this smell
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
