i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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