I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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