So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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