She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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