I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
