dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pooping to opera.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
