Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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