Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
