God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
