why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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