youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
