this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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