Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
