how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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