im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
