I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My feet surprised me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
