I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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