I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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