I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
