The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
