Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
