rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize