I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
