remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
