some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
