i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
