I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
