Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
