Don't you send me to vm
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
