She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
