What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
