Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
