He uses pillows to masturbate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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