Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
