I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
