Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
