my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
