you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
