It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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