I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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