my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
