My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
