just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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