i think i scared a bird with my dick
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
