i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
