you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
